Will Counseling Change Me?

Will counseling change me? I am frequently asked this question. I counter with, “Why do you need changing?”

Many people initially enter counseling with the mindset that when (insert problem) is removed from their life they will become the person they are “suppose” to be in life. Hmmmm…. Nope.

Personal growth comes not so much from changing who we are but accepting who we are. Change will naturally occur as a by-product of acceptance. We heal through acceptance- acceptance of ourself, acceptance of our reality, and acceptance that we do the best we can with the tools we currently possess.

When people talk about changing themselves, what they really want is to find a way to quit the cycles they feel doomed to repeat. They want the pain to stop. They want the “problem” fixed. They are looking for new options. They are looking for new tools.

When we gain new tools, we gain new options.

Counseling helps sort out what is working from what is not working. It can help us identify the reasons we do what we do. When we identify and acknowledge our patterns, only then can our new tools give us new options. We can stop destructive cycles and replace them with ones that accomplish our goals.

But do we become new people? Do we really change?

Physical wounds leave behind memories, scars and a changed response to certain situations so it does seem reasonable that emotional wounds will also leave behind similar effects.

Counseling is not meant to remove all evidence of a wound. Counseling facilitates acceptance of our reality. Counseling helps us grieve the path that quit working and help one embrace the altered path the wound opens for us to take. We gain a wider scope of perspective through which to view ourself.

When we acknowledge our wounds- we take away their power to control our lives.

When healing takes place, the desire to change one’s self is replaced with the desire to accept one’s self. When God heals we are most definitely changed, but he doesn’t typically change what we think needs changing. His agenda is different from our agenda.

Will counseling change me? Yes, just not in the ways you imagine.