Something works until it doesn’t

 

Something works until it doesn’t.

People become motivated to seek counseling when some aspect of their life is not working and what they are doing to solve a problem no longer eliminates that problem. What seemed to work at one point in their life is no longer working and their problem-solving system has broken down.

We adopt behaviors because they produced a result that was acceptable at one point in time. Basically – the behavior worked so we learn to repeat the behavior. For example, when a child has a tantrum at the grocery checkout for a piece of candy and the parents give in to the child’s demands – the child learns that tantrums work. The child grows up throwing tantrums to get what he/she wants. The parents may not like the behavior but if they do nothing but reward the behavior the child continues the destructive behavior.

The child grows into an adult that refuses to accept or hear the word “NO.” Although the behavior worked when they were a child it doesn’t work as an adult. The adult child will have difficulty maintaining relationships because they have never learned how to deal with frustration appropriately. The same concept holds true for the “perfect” child. The child learns that being “perfect” brings great praise and attention so they continue the behavior. The “perfect” child will grow into an adult that will adjust their life to perform for others. They will sacrifice their wants and desires to obtain admiration and praise.

Our behaviors become so natural that we are often not even aware of them. They are no longer conscious choices but automated unconscious habits. Behaviors that once worked are not guaranteed to always work – most won’t work through all the seasons of our life.

Has something in your life quit working? Counseling helps explore what is not working and you helps learn how to redirect your efforts to finding different ways that will work.